The early signs of perimenopause I didn’t realise were signs
If you’d asked me two years ago what perimenopause looked like, I probably would have given the version many of us grew up with:
Hot flushes.
Missed periods.
Maybe mood swings.
Something obvious.
Something unmistakable.
What I didn’t realise is that for many women, it can begin much more quietly than that.
It can look like:
sleep that suddenly feels different
anxiety that feels louder than your usual baseline
brain fog that unsettles you more than you want to admit
bloating or digestion changes
periods that are still happening, but feel different
a vague sense that you don’t quite feel like yourself anymore
And because those symptoms can overlap with stress, burnout, ageing, poor sleep, or just life being a lot… it can be surprisingly hard to know what you’re actually looking at.
So this isn’t a clinical guide, it’s simply what I know so far, from a woman in the middle of learning.
Is it stress, burnout, ageing… or hormones?
This is probably the question I asked the most and from what I’m learning, the answer is often:
Yes. Potentially all of the above.
That’s part of what makes perimenopause so confusing, because it doesn’t happen in a vacuum.
It often arrives during a season of life when women are already carrying a lot:
work pressure
parenting or caring responsibilities
mental load
sleep disruption
emotional stress
a body that doesn’t bounce back the way it used to
the quiet realisation that parts of life may no longer fit
So no, I don’t think it’s helpful to pin everything on hormones.
Sometimes it is stress.
Sometimes it is burnout.
Sometimes it’s a nervous system that’s been running too hot for too long.
Sometimes it’s a life that needs adjusting.
And sometimes it’s all of that plus fluctuating hormones.
That’s the nuance.
For me, that’s a much kinder way to look at it.
Not: it’s all in your head.
Not: it must all be hormones.
But: something is shifting, and it’s worth paying attention.
What perimenopause actually is (in simple terms)
Here’s the simplest version of what I understand so far:
Perimenopause is the transition leading up to menopause, menopause itself is the point when you haven’t had a period for 12 months.
Perimenopause is everything that can happen before that and this is the part I wish more women knew:
It’s not always a neat, steady decline, it’s often a phase of hormonal fluctuation.
Hormones can rise, fall, surge, dip and wobble in ways that make symptoms feel inconsistent or unpredictable. That’s why one month you might feel mostly fine, and the next month you’re wondering why you’re suddenly:
wide awake at 3am
more anxious than usual
bloated for no obvious reason
mentally foggy
more reactive
more tired
less resilient
or just… not quite yourself
And importantly:
You can still be having periods and be in perimenopause.
That’s a big one.
I think a lot of women assume it only “counts” once their cycle becomes obviously irregular, but symptoms can begin before that, and for some women they do.
Perimenopause can start in your 40s, and sometimes earlier than women expect, which is why I think so many of us miss it at first.
The early signs many women miss
We’re often taught to look for the “headline” symptoms:
hot flushes
night sweats
irregular periods
And yes, those matter, but there are also quieter signs that can be easy to dismiss, especially if you’re someone who already tends to explain things away.
1. Sleep that suddenly feels different
Not just stressy, overthinking sleep, but sleep that feels unlike your usual sleep struggles.
You’re tired, but can’t drift off.
You wake at odd hours.
You sleep, but don’t feel restored.
Something about it feels unfamiliar.
2. Anxiety that feels louder than your baseline
If you’re already an overthinker or a sensitive person, this can be hard to spot, but if your nervous system suddenly feels more activated than usual - more wired, more reactive, less buffered - it’s worth noticing.
Not panicking.
Just noticing.
3. Brain fog that feels strangely unsettling
Forgetting words.
Losing your train of thought.
Walking into a room and forgetting why.
Feeling less sharp or less mentally “held together” than usual.
This can feel surprisingly emotional because it touches confidence, identity, and the fear of “what’s happening to me?”
4. Cycle changes (even subtle ones)
This doesn’t always mean your periods stop overnight.
It can look more like:
your cycle shortening or lengthening
heavier periods
lighter periods
more clotting
more bloating
stronger PMS-style symptoms
breast tenderness
less predictability
5. Fatigue that doesn’t quite match your life on paper
Yes, midlife can be tiring, but if you’re feeling more depleted than usual, less able to recover after poor sleep, or more flattened by things that didn’t used to knock you sideways, it’s worth paying attention.
6. Body changes that feel confusing
Maybe your body composition is shifting.
Maybe you feel puffier, softer, more inflamed, or more bloated.
Maybe what used to “work” no longer seems to.
This is often where women slip straight into trying to “fix” themselves.
Personally, I think this is where we need more gentleness, not more punishment.
7. A general feeling of “I don’t quite feel like myself”
Honestly, this might be one of the most common and least talked-about signs.
Not a dramatic breakdown.
Not a clear diagnosis.
Just a low-level sense that something feels a bit… off.
And because it’s subtle, it’s easy to dismiss, but subtle doesn’t mean imaginary.
What I’m learning about getting informed without spiralling
One thing I’ve realised very quickly is that perimenopause is noisy online.
There’s a lot of helpful information, and there’s also a lot of fear, urgency, extremes, and content that makes you feel like your body is suddenly a problem to solve.
That’s not the approach I want to take.
I don’t want to ignore what’s happening, but I also don’t want to turn this season into another project built around fixing myself.
What feels more helpful is:
noticing patterns
staying curious
listening to trusted voices
paying attention to what keeps repeating
remembering that not every symptom means the same thing for every woman
allowing space for stress, burnout and lifestyle factors to matter too
That feels more grounded, and for me, that’s what being informed actually looks like.
Not obsessing.
Just learning.
A simple place to start
If you’ve been wondering whether what you’re experiencing could be hormone-related, I’ve created a simple Midlife Symptom Tracker to help you notice patterns without spiralling.
It’s gentle, practical, and designed to help you feel more informed, whether you’re simply joining the dots for yourself, or preparing for a conversation with your GP.