Is this perimenopause? Here’s what I know so far…
For a long time, I thought perimenopause was something that happened to other women.
Older women.
Women who seemed further along than me.
Women who looked or felt somehow more “menopausal” - whatever that even means.
I’m 45 (still 45 as I write this, although 46 is quietly approaching), and if I’m honest, I didn’t really expect to be thinking about perimenopause yet.
Not seriously, anyway, but over the past 8 or 9 months, I’ve started noticing subtle shifts.
Not dramatic.
Not life-upending.
Just small things that made me pause and think:
This feels different.
At first, it was sleep.
I’ve never been a brilliant sleeper, so poor sleep isn’t new to me, but this felt different to my usual pattern. It didn’t feel like stress, or overthinking, or lying awake replaying conversations in my head.
It felt… dry.
That’s the only word I can really find for it.
My mind would feel clear. No spiralling. No worrying. No obvious reason to be awake and yet sleep just wouldn’t come.
It’s hard to explain unless you’ve experienced it yourself, but it felt different enough that I started paying attention.
Then there were digestion changes.
I’ve always had a pretty healthy digestive system, so when I noticed things feeling more reactive, especially first thing in the morning, almost as if my digestion had synced itself with that early cortisol surge, it stood out.
Then came the brain fog.
This is the one I’ve been noticing more lately.
I’ll forget the most ordinary words. Everyday words. Words I absolutely know. I can feel them there somewhere, but it’s as if my brain just goes offline for a moment and I’m left scrambling for them.
Sometimes I end up googling the word I’m trying to find.
The other day it was something simple like radiator.
It’s funny, in a way. I can laugh about it, but if I’m being honest, there’s also a flicker of worry underneath it, because forgetfulness gets so heavily associated with “getting old,” and I don’t feel old. I don’t want to feel old, and I think a lot of women will understand that tension.
I’ve noticed anxiety, too - not necessarily low mood, but moments where my nervous system suddenly feels dialled up to a 9 for no obvious reason.
I’ve always been an anxious, overthinking, introspective person. That’s not new. Over the years, I’ve learned how to manage it, soften it, work with it, but this felt different.
Not always. Not constantly. Just enough to notice that sometimes the internal volume had been turned up without my permission.
And then there are the smaller, stranger shifts that make you stop and wonder if they’re connected.
My hair texture changed.
My hair has always been fine and a bit fluffy, but it started feeling drier and harder to style, and somewhere along the way, I discovered I apparently have curls.
I’ll take that one, honestly. If perimenopause wants to give me better hair, I’m willing to receive that.
What’s interesting is that none of this arrived in one neat, obvious package.
There wasn’t a dramatic “something is wrong” moment.
It was more like little breadcrumbs.
Little changes.
Little clues.
Little moments of, hmm… that’s odd.
And if I’m honest, part of me didn’t want to admit that any of it might be perimenopause.
I felt too young. Too energetic. Too not like the version of menopause I’d absorbed growing up, because if I’m really honest, the message many of us inherited about menopause wasn’t exactly empowering.
It was something whispered about. Something to dread. Something that meant decline, or becoming less yourself and even if we don’t consciously believe that anymore, I think a lot of us still carry traces of it.
What’s interesting is that my first real insight into perimenopause didn’t even come through my own body.
It came through one of my closest friends, who’s younger than me.
She started experiencing much clearer symptoms - mood changes, bloating, irregular periods - and watching her navigate it was probably the first time I really thought:
Oh. This is what this can actually look like.
Not just hot flushes.
Not just missed periods.
Not just “menopause” in the way it’s often reduced online.
Something much more nuanced than that, and that, I think, is what I’m learning most of all:
Perimenopause doesn’t always announce itself loudly.
Sometimes it arrives quietly.
Sometimes it looks like:
sleep that suddenly feels different
more anxiety than usual
brain fog you can’t quite explain
digestion changes
subtle shifts in your body, mood or energy
a vague sense that you don’t quite feel like yourself
Not dramatic enough to sound the alarm, but noticeable enough that you keep wondering, and that’s the part I wish more women knew.
That it doesn’t have to be obvious to matter.
That subtle changes still count.
That you don’t need to wait until things feel “bad enough” before paying attention.
I’m not an expert.
I’m not writing this from the other side with a neat bow on it.
I’m writing it as a woman in the middle of learning.
A woman who has been listening, reading, joining the dots, and realising how under-informed so many of us are about what this stage can actually look like.
And maybe that’s the part that’s surprised me most.
Not just the symptoms, but how easy it is to assume you’re the problem.
That you’re less resilient.
Less disciplined.
More emotional.
Too sensitive.
Too scattered.
Too stressed.
When sometimes your body may simply be moving through a transition no one properly prepared you for.
This isn’t about panic.
It’s not about turning your body into a full-time project and it’s definitely not about obsessively analysing every small change.
It’s about becoming more informed, in a calmer way.
It’s about learning the difference between spiralling and paying attention, because when you start noticing patterns, things often become less frightening.
You can begin to see:
what’s changing
what seems to trigger things
what helps
what keeps repeating
what might be worth bringing to a GP or healthcare provider
That’s a very different energy from doom-scrolling symptom lists at 11pm.
A simple place to start
If you’ve been wondering whether what you’re experiencing could be hormone-related, I’ve created a simple Midlife Symptom Tracker to help you notice patterns without spiralling.
It’s gentle, practical, and designed to help you feel more informed, whether you’re simply joining the dots for yourself, or preparing for a conversation with your GP.